From INHERITANCE Issue #4 - Winter 2009

Growing up I thought my family was almost perfect.

I was raised in an upper middle class family, went to private school up until college and had very supportive and loving parents. My goal since kindergarten was that I would one day become a doctor, which is the joy of any parent for sure. This was shaken up in college when instead of deciding to pursue medical school, I found God and pursued full-time ministry.

Since I had grown up culturally Catholic and attended religious school until college, I knew a lot about God. But knowing is a lot different than believing and following. Even with the future of medical school I still felt a dissatisfaction with life. I submerged myself into things in search of satisfaction. My focus on school and friendships increased but so did my feelings of emptiness.

Dissatisfaction with Life
It was then that I noticed something in my roommates that I wanted. They had purpose, passion and were happy. But more importantly, they had God. I wanted what they had. Instead of ignoring their invitations to attend Bible study and fellowship meetings with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship I now accepted them in hopes of finding what they had.

As I sought out God more, those places of emptiness were filled. The doubts I had of myself and my future were not weighing down on me, but instead I felt joy and full of life. What I had been searching for was God all along and it was at that point that I decided to follow Jesus. I would no longer just believe in Him but now would follow Him wherever He was calling me to go.

Transformed Life in Christ
God was not something I just believed in, now He was transforming every aspect of my life. I had hoped that deciding to follow Jesus would bring smooth sailing ahead, but I found just the opposite. I was given more opportunities to learn about Him, but my parents could not understand the choices that I was making.

I attended a Christian conference called Urbana a few months after my decision to follow Jesus. Shortly after that I felt the call to go on a summer mission project to Los Angeles to learn about urban poverty. My parents allowed these events thinking that it was just a phase and that I would be back on the track to medical school in no time.

Tensions with Parents
Little did they know I was considering working with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship after college in the hopes of helping college students find God just like others had once helped me. When I told them of this news they were unsupportive to say the least. They thought I was crazy and that I was being brainwashed.

Although I tried to explain to them the transformation that happened to me through God, they could not understand. They made it clear that they would be unsupportive of me if I continued to pursue God in this way.

I previously had hoped that following Jesus would be easy, but coming upon this crossroads of pursuing a career in full-time ministry — it seemed so much was on the line. My relationship with my parents was on the line. My finances were on the line since my parents were no longer going to support me if I decided to follow this path.

Honoring God over Parents
I was seriously unsure of what to do. It seemed the door to ministry was closed since there were so many obstacles in the way. But when my parents told me, “You can either choose us or your God,” I knew what decision I had to make. I would choose God. He was what had brought me purpose and fulfillment in college. I had to stick with Him even when I didn’t know if things would work out.

Ultimately, I did end up working with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship after graduating from University of California, San Diego. Although my parents still made it difficult, the path to full-time ministry seemed like the way to go. Since InterVarsity is a non-profit organization I was required to fundraise my work budget and living expenses.

God provided even more than I needed to fundraise. I was seeing college students fall in love with Jesus and follow Him just like I had.

It seemed like things were going well.

Unforeseen Tragedy
But suddenly one day my mom had a ruptured brain aneurism and passed away. As I rushed to be with my dad I couldn’t help but wonder if I had been the reason why all this had happened. If I hadn’t followed Jesus, if I hadn’t come on staff with InterVarsity then perhaps my mom would still be there. This storm hit me full on in the face.

But with all the doubts, insecurities and regrets, I could still hear the peaceful voice of God saying, “Just wait and see.” And so I did. As my friends and I prayed for my mom in her hospital room, it was apparent that Jesus was there. Some of my mom’s friends even joined us in prayer and experienced God like they never had before.

Experiencing God’s Peace
It could have been so easy to cast God aside in this situation and ask, “Where were you when my mom got sick and passed away?” But somehow I knew He was right there with me all along.

I waited on God and saw my friends and community come and support my family. I waited and saw some of my family and family friends witness and experience God like they never had before.

After the passing of my mom life was still pretty difficult. I had spent a few months back home to grieve, mourn and help my dad get settled. But after those few months I still felt the call to go back to campus ministry even more strongly as I had before. So when I came back to San Diego I thought that the passing of my mom was the last of the big hurdles.

Little did I know that wasn’t going to happen.

Tragedy Strikes Again
Eight months after my mom’s passing, I received a phone call from my dad explaining that he had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I had just lost a parent and was terrified of losing another.

Doubts of my calling came once again. If I was truly on the right path, would this have happened? If I didn’t come on staff with InterVarsity would my dad be healthy?

It could have been easy to push away God and hate Him because my dad had cancer, but instead I felt this sense of peace. That same peace I felt after my mom passed away — I felt the same way still. I was confident that God was here with me and my family.

And that whatever happened, good or bad, He would bring me through this storm just like He had before.

Unwavering Faith in God
Four years later, my dad is still here today and is still battling cancer — and he has had a total transformation in the process. Instead of being just culturally Catholic and sporadically going to mass, I believe that he has a relationship with God. He goes to church a few times a week. Formerly a workaholic, he is now very much at peace and enjoying life.

There is still much left that I know God has in store for me. I am still mourning my mom’s passing that happened four years ago. My dad is still battling cancer. And I am still on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. I can’t help but think of what if.

Choosing Faith over Doubt
My questions, although very similar to before, have a very different outlook on life. What if I didn’t follow Jesus initially? I know that I wouldn’t have peace, joy, or purpose in my life if I didn’t follow Him. The emptiness I had felt would still be there.

What if I did renounce God after my mom’s passing or my dad getting sick? Then I wouldn’t have seen family and friends experience God in my mom’s hospital room. I may not have seen my dad have his own relationship with God. I would not be here today sharing with college students the love God has for them.

Although I have only been following Jesus for the past six years, I can say a life with Jesus with all the drama is so much better than a life without Jesus and drama. I am confident that no matter what comes my way, God will bring me through it and provide the hope for a better day.

Ultimate Hope in Christ
For those of you who may be going through times of doubt, loss, or tragedy my advice for you is to hold on to the history of God’s truth in your life. Remember those moments when God’s presence was apparent to bring you through the times when you feel like He is gone.

There are things that will always be true about God no matter how we feel. Our feelings, although valid, can often cloud our judgment and hinder us from hearing God clearly. So take a breath, be honest with God and wait for Him to speak. He may give you a word of encouragement or peace.

Perhaps at that moment your mind will be blank, but continue to wait on God for guidance.

Seek Support and Community
Also, it’s important to surround yourself with a loving community. During times of tragedy we often want to isolate ourselves and try to deal with our emotions and the situation alone.

But God did not create us to be isolated but rather for relationships in community. Your community can help carry you when you feel like you can’t walk anymore and may be the way God shows His presence in the situation.

I encourage you that no matter what situation you are going through that you will continue on the path towards pursuing Jesus. My prayer for you is a verse that I was constantly reminded of during the hard times in my life. Romans 5:1-5 says:

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (NIV)

May God bless you with His peace and hope as you continue to follow Him.