From INHERITANCE Issue #5 - March 2010

It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith — for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. (Hebrews 11:8-9)

Abraham, a hero of simple obedience. Called to leave his home. Called to another land, not knowing for certain where he was going. And when reaching the land, living like a foreigner in tents. No stability. No security. Just God.

I can’t say that I have anywhere near the faith of Abraham. But I can say that I left my home in Los Angeles and am now 1,650 miles away, living in Kansas City, Missouri. I am a foreigner in this land, but at least I don’t live in a tent.

Make no mistake, this move has been a hard one. Not just because of the lack of good boba milk tea (or good Chinese food in general), but God has been addressing some really deep issues ... issues very much tied to my identity as an Asian American.

The Asian American Dream, is a dream of stability and security. Moving to Kansas City is not a part of that dream, and it has not been an easy dream to walk away from. The Asian American Dream impresses on us the absolute importance of security and stability and the need to spend ourselves to achieve those goals. Many of us are students of this dream. We don’t even know it’s there sometimes, but it pervades everything we do, influences our every decision ... stability and security.

This dream has been knit into the very fabric of Asian American society. Our parents have lived it, our culture upholds it, and our friends compete for it. Stability and security drive us to study harder, volunteer more, get better tutors so that we can attend better universities; Ivy League, Stanford, UC (University of California), something prestigious and well known.

It pressures us to get degrees, MD, JD, Ph.D., etc. It tells us to save, save, and then save some more, until we are hoarding a fortune and we feel stable and secure.

Cloud of Disillusionment
Unfortunately, much of this dream for stability and security is not from God. Don’t get me wrong; it’s good to provide for your family. The problem is that we somehow end up with ourselves as the primary source for this stability and security when it needs to be God and God alone.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. A Harvard MBA is not my shepherd, neither is Charles Schwab, nor a high GPA or SAT score. The emphasis on stability and security in Asian cultures doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but when we begin to trust in ourselves more than God? .... Trouble.

I lived the Asian American dream, and really enjoyed it! We planted a church called The Exodus ... which (in my opinion of course) has since grown into the most incredible community of Christians, worshipping, praying, and seeking the face of God. I also began to look for a job in the real world, which led to a web product management job, which led to a USC (University of Southern CA) MBA, which led to an executive vice president position.

As the career grew and the church matured, my family also expanded. With my wife, three children, cool job, and awesome church ... my Asian American Dream was running full speed ahead!

Eight years of the dream and my wife and I began to feel God leading us to move in the middle of 2008. We automatically began thinking that this meant a move from our current place in West Los Angeles to a new place back in the San Gabriel Valley. The SGV has always been our home, and we believe God has some incredible plans for it; it was always only a matter of time before we would move back.

But as we began to contemplate the move eastward, there also began a quiet stirring to move farther east. For the past three years, we had been taking periodic trips out to Kansas City to spend time at the International House of Prayer (IHOP) and its many life-changing conferences.

IHOP is a 24-hour house of prayer that started ten years ago. It not once, since its start date, let up on continuous prayer and worship.

Out of that intensity and intimacy with God has come incredible teaching, prophetic ministry and insight, a powerful children’s ministry, a ministry school, a music school, a justice movement, and most importantly, a heart and urgency to prepare the Bride of Christ for His imminent return. I love it! And I’m getting excited just talking about it!

Clouds of Doubts and Fears
So once or twice a year, a quick trip to IHOP was good for our souls. Refreshing, transformative, informative, contemplative ... but to move there permanently?!

Are you sure about that God? To leave my job behind? My job, which pays well, allows me to travel the world when I please, have lunch with my family, work out in the afternoon, and hang out with friends that I hired — leave that job? Leave behind the Exodus? The Exodus, a house church that truly cares for and pushes one another on to seek more of God — leave that behind?

Leave our abundance of friends and family to a place where we practically know no one? Bring my wife, who loves the sun and beach to the middle of America (literally, the middle) to endure below freezing winters and hot and humid summers. Are you sure about this God?

Suddenly God was inviting me to follow Him on a path that was very non Asian American. Stability and security? Gone. Family, friends, and boba? Gone! I wish I could say that like Abraham, I heroically obeyed and charged off to a foreign land, full of faith, but that’s simply not true.

I struggled with it. Even after I felt God speak so clearly again and again, I still struggled. I was about to commit career suicide, launch the Exodus into a tailspin, take my kids from their grandparents. How can this be you, God?

When God moved Lot, his wife turned back and was instantly transformed into a pillar of salt. When the Israelites were on the Exodus, they continuously looked back at their former lives in Egypt. Jesus taught that if you put your hand to the plow and then look back, you are not fit for His kingdom.

I have been in Kansas City for three months now, and there is also not a day that goes by, that I don’t “look back” ... and just yearn for the old days. I look back at my life in LA and just wish things could go back to the way they were before we moved. I’m nobody out here. I work harder, have longer hours, and a farther commute. The Exodus happens every Sunday night and I’m not there to seek God together with them.

I am worse than Lot’s wife. I am worse than the Israelites complaining in the desert. I am the worker that sets his hand to the plow and then looks back.

Though the overall message of these Bible stories tells us that what I’m doing is wrong, the God of these stories has not stopped showing me mercy. He has not stopped loving me. He has not stopped giving me His presence. He has been slow to anger, and rich in love — showing me that my stability and security need to be in Him first, and only in Him.

Through the years, the Asian American Dream had become MY dream ... and I’m having a hard time of letting it go.

Thankfully, God has been with me, confirming in so many ways, that this indeed is His plan. My kids are loving it out here, learning so much about God, the Bible, worship, and intercession. We are growing closer and deeper in God as a family. Being stripped of all the “extras” has allowed us to focus only on intimacy with Jesus and the revitalization of my own walk with God.

We are learning more about God’s heart, even His heart for Los Angeles, and we are able to pray according to His heart. Even my parents, full-blooded Asian immigrant parents, giving me their full 100% support on this move from the very beginning ... God has a strange way of working through the people you don’t expect.

The Asian American dream has been ripped from my fingers, and I really miss parts of it. I lose focus often, but I have seen something much better. I have seen the Shepherd, and He is wonderful.

I have seen the green pastures (literally) and quiet waters around me. And though I might find myself in a dark valley, I know that He is with me. And though I’m surrounded with fears, sometimes my eyes will see the table prepared before me and my heart will know of my cup that runs over, with true stability and true security.