Saturated

Part of 9 of in
BY SARAH HWANG
ART by PAUL MINAGAWA
Mar 01, 2016 | min read
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THIS WORLD IS A COLORFUL PLACE. Not merely because of dusty pink dawns that greet us every morning, or the rolls of golden hills that frame this city, but because every person is like a color.

As infinite as the colors of a spectrum, so are the people of this world. There are no two colors that are of the same depth or wave; there are no two people who are identical. As similar as two people may appear, the smallest variation in brightness or contrast will birth a new color.

There are no two colors that are of the same depth or wave; there are no two people who are identical.

We come from our mothers, feel inspired by our fathers, and are influenced by our sisters and brothers. We become familiar with those around us, with those who make us laugh, and with those who echo our innermost thoughts. With each encounter, you delve deeper and deeper into communion with a person, introducing more color into your life. Shades of green and blue, schemes of yellow and red. This is how you change.

And when you love that person, you immerse yourself in that color, drenching yourself in this person — their words, their emotions, their experiences, their moments. You bask in this color for so long that you absorb it without even realizing it. Slowly, who you are becomes blurred by hues that were never your own. This is how you love.

So what does it mean to lose this person? Throughout time, over heartbreak, to death?

You can never rid yourself of this color. You are forever dyed in someone else, and there is no turning back. It is a beautiful yet tragic thing — to be tinged so deeply by someone at one moment of your life while you try so hard to deny it and expunge it when they leave. This is how you mourn.

I have been blessed to meet a myriad of individuals who have vibrantly colored my life. With them, I have felt love and sadness, peace and bitterness. I know what it means to be by their side while simultaneously laughing and crying over things I simply do not understand. I know what it feels like to be so utterly alone, but still feel completely embraced by them.

It has been a blessing to journey with those who helped me see life in these foreign and novel ways.

Many have come, and sadly, many have left.Yet I am still here, now a curious blend of such strange hues. It's harder to identify which parts are truly myself and which ones have been colored by others. But this is who I am. So I will learn to own every inch of me. I will master every fluorescent shade. And in the end, I will be my own shade, my own color, my own. I will be me.

It's harder to identify which parts are truly myself and which ones have been colored by others.
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Sarah Hwang

Sarah Hwang lives in Los Angeles, where she likes to explore new and old restaurants, cafes, museums, and bookstores.

Paul Minagawa

Paul Minagawa taught high school fine arts in Honolulu, HI, before working as an engineer at a Los Angeles chemical tech company. Historically a painter, his work now focuses on diagrammatic ink sketches melding engineering thinking and abstract concepts of selfishness, selflessness, and interaction between the church and the world. Find him online at paulminagawa.tumblr.com.

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