I SAW THEM through the second floor window. A family of at least 20 — playing loud music, dancing, singing, eating, laughing at each other's jokes, holding each other's babies.

JUDY AND I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary this past summer. But it has only been a couple of years since I really saw how our marriage worked and what its inner dynamics were like — in fact, for the first decade, I lived with some deep misconceptions.

It has been four years since a major anxiety attack finally sent me running to my doctor for help. I still remember sitting in her office explaining — with as stiff an upper lip as possible — what had led me to call for the first appointment available and then losing it in a puddle of tears and a wave of relief.

As I walked into the local park to play basketball, I could tell by their haircuts, soft-spoken demeanor, and thick accents that most of the players on the court were from China or Taiwan.